Life In a Notebook

“I don’t even feel like I owe an explanation about my sudden disappearance, and why should I explain it’s my blog page, I can post whatever and whenever I can.” Lol, I wish I had an attitude like that, but nahh, my readers are people who are dear to me and I guess to lie is the last thing I would want to do to anyone who is dear to me because like I said, the day I started this blog- it’s a place with no filter, because we already have got it covered at other places.

I was… I wouldn’t say procrastinated. But. I had a lot to write about, just didn’t find the right words or maybe the courage to put my heart out. The first time in my life there were a lot of topics I wanted to address, things that were very personal to me as well, but the fear of getting judged by my own subscribers was hitting me hard and damn how foolish of me!

I usually motivate and provide solutions to problems through a certain act of self-care or motivation, which, sadly, I couldn’t find in myself. I was and maybe still 65% looking at situations in the most pessimistic way a human being can. All these months, I have seen things and situations falling apart and sadly, other things, including my health, were also giving me a really hard time.

When situations are not fruitful, we tend to become comfortable in our cocoon, a wave of lassitude with the urge of sitting on our beds mindlessly scrolling and suddenly being an introvert to a level that going outside (occasionally) feels like a punishment. We have all gone through this. I am still in this phase, comfortably getting out of my own phase.

But while all of this happens visibly, nobody talks about the stuff it does to our minds. I am 100% sure it’s not just me when I say this, but don’t we all sometimes feel that maybe just maybe we can with all our hearts be a brainless (to control our thoughts) and a heartless (to control our feelings) person.

Suddenly, the whole act of being present feels like an irritating warm summer afternoon, where happiness and calmness becomes a wave of breeze, to quote… “A rare wave of breeze.” Suddenly, shutting our feelings out by pretending to go with the flow(fake) becomes a go-to move and it starts becoming worse when you start controlling things that aren’t even in your control. This may include :
Constant negative overthinking
1.Looking at life with the most pessimistic view
2. Self-sabotaging things are okay because you want to control the worst before it can even happen.
3.Thinking the worst things that can happen to a human being will happen to you
4.Expecting disappointment; killing the tiniest ray of hope so that you don’t get disappointed.
Nobody ever talks about all of this. WHY?

I guess it’s something we all learn in our own ways, in our own style. Yours truly is also learning, as said.. I am the biggest student of my life and I hope you are too.

I have heard many uncomfortable times that before things go well, they fall apart in the worst ways. If you feel like doing anything that I have listed above, you should stop. Talk to someone. If there is no safe space in your life, comment a random letter in the comment section of this post so that we can connect, and if not that, your notes app is the best. I’ll also list some simple acts of self-care:

1.Get in the habit of listing one good thing that is going on in your life, even if the answer is being able to breathe properly, trust me.
2.Take out 10 minutes for yourself. Do yoga or any other mindful technique.
3.Go outside to indulge in some physical activity .. Gym, playing a sport.
Sit in the sun
Of course, all this will take time.. Hence baby steps. But, I can assure you, it will work.

Lastly, if anyone wants to hear this, I know how much it means to a person..

My love, I am proud of you. You can get through anything and everything. So much love from me.

@writeraadhyasingh