Life In a Notebook

Blast from the past is what I am going to talk about today. Well, it does not contain anything juicy though (sorry to all those who can’t enjoy their thespian pursuits after this revelation) but if it makes you feel any better, nobody has an idea about this, but as you guys are my virtual family now, I am happy to share this with you. I don’t know whether the incident I am about to share will deliver the moral value I’m hoping it would but never mind, better said than done, so let’s go.
I have been fortunate enough to be one of those who are identified as a good orator, people who know me or have studied with me will agree to it ( a hint of narcissism I’m apologetic about, but I am just here to make a point ) the idea of being on stage where I have to present or host anything is both nerve-wracking but exciting for me, I just love the stage.
When I was young I used to stammer a lot and my speaking skills were below average as my pronunciations were not up to the mark.
When I was in fourth standard, my teacher asked me to read a chapter to the whole class, it was an opportunity for me to exist as someone who knows how to read well( it doesn’t make sense now, I love how naive I was) but little did I know, it kind of turned out to be my worst nightmare.
I had to stand beside the teacher’s table, I was given one section to read, the section was on the “festivals of India”, for a person who has a hard time remembering why she entered the room Or what had happened the day before yesterday, I sure remember this by heart.
I began reading, but after completing one line, I was constantly interrupted by each one of my classmates because I wasn’t pronouncing the words perfectly, some were even laughing at me due to this, I tried to read in a better way but failed. The humiliation reached a level where I had to make an excuse to my teacher that I am thirsty, my throat ached and I want to drink some water, so she can ask someone else to read on my behalf. I still remember the feeling when I went to my seat, my heart was pounding so fast and the worst part wasn’t over yet, I was made fun of for a few days after this incident as well.
I’m raising this topic because I know exactly how much bullying or any kind of joke that triggers your insecurities can cause a huge impact on the person you become in the future.
In my previous blog, I wrote about the characters that people play. Well, I do not know how to say this, but even I have a character. A character that is unbothered.
Fourth standard Aadhya hid her insecurities so well that she used to laugh away when people used to make fun of her or teachers didn’t select her for assembly anchoring, I didn’t shed a tear, not once, nor did I ever tell my mother or any of my friends, this made me question myself, multiple times.
I am astounded to see how a child was able to carry all those complex emotions without telling anyone, flabbergasting.
Now, there could have been two situations post this incident:
1. I would have never stepped on stage and would have led a life with stage fright.
2. I would have lacked communication skills and would have always doubted my opinions.
I’m proud to tell you, by god’s grace (drum roll) I’m none of the above.
My fear acted as fuel for me to achieve better and better. Today, I am one of those who is confident, loves to own the stage, can present her opinions, and take a stand for not only herself but for others as well. I’m just a beginner though and I hope one day I can achieve all that I have ever hoped for.
Took me a lot of time and practice (including speaking in front of the mirror for hours till I get my poem right) I have forgotten lines, made mistakes, and even went blank in front of our principal while presenting for a competition, but I eventually became one of those students that teachers used to prefer for anchoring and about my classmates, none of them ever tried to compete with me in any oratory competition.
I just want to plead to all the readers, “think before you speak”. If the words coming out of your mouth are not kind, and won’t help others in their upliftment then it’s better you keep your opinions to yourself ( kind of harsh, I’m sorry) Criticism is important, and I won’t deny it. But there is a way for everything in life, unknowingly your words and actions have a great impact on people.

I took whatever happened with me as a learning experience and it’s important because life is full of bullies, one kind or the other, it’s really important to not care and just move forward and try your best because, in the end, you’re doing it for yourself and not for them. Life is nothing without all these challenges. You will never grow if you will never accept that it is not and never was a cakewalk.
This is just one incident, I have seen worse, with myself and with others.
To those who have faced these kinds of moments in their lives, I want to quote my favourite line from one of my favourite messed-up characters, ” if you’re not scared you’re not taking any chances and if you’re not taking any chances, what are you even doing with your life ?”
The way I have written might make you think that I’m arrogant, a person who thinks she has achieved it all, but the truth is when you achieve something, you thought you’ll never have, when you start from scratch and build yourself, the confidence you achieve is unremarkable no matter how small the skill might be and now that I have raised the topic about arrogance, to make myself more Clear I’ll explain an example.
“Only I can do it” is arrogance, but “I can do it very well” is confidence. I’m confident about a lot of my insecurities now and I fully believe that I’m a beginner and a learner in whatever I do or have done in life and will continue to do so till the day I live.

PS. There have been times when I have doubted myself. I just want to thank all those who have been there for and with me through thick and thin. My friends have always been like my other family and I love the fact that my family is growing, view by view. I am grateful for each one of you, every day. This blog came a little late because of my health, I hope you enjoyed reading it!
Love and only love. @writeraadhyasingh