Life In a Notebook

Usually, it does not even take me more than a minute to write on any topic, ideas start popping up in my head and I end up with a satisfactory draft. But, this time, it was different.
The previous blog I wrote was loved by everyone and it did well making me the happiest person on the planet. At first, it motivated me to write more, making my enthusiasm double. I usually post on the weekends, so I was happy that I had an entire week to prepare the draft that everyone will like, Monday and Tuesday I opened my laptop, phone, and notebook multiple times to write something, I started with numerous ideas but couldn’t bring out my best on the paper.
I didn’t think about it much, because it’s natural.
Woke up the next day with the hope of writing something new, but, ironically, was out of not only content but ideas too, I won’t deny it, I got a little scared.
The next day was the same and so was the day after that. I was out of ideas, and a new thought had entered my mind, the thought of failing. A few readers also asked me about my next blog and the time I will post it which made me more anxious.
The mere idea of disappointing my readers, myself, and my hobby turned me blue. I tried and tried but the only consistent thing was the usage of the backspace key.
Kept cutting outlines in my notebook with teary eyes thinking that it was just the third blog and I am already having writer’s block.
What will happen next? Will I be able to continue writing blogs? (If overthinking was a sport, I will always win with distinction, I know many of you are like this) most of you will wonder and must have said in your mind that, how is this a big deal? Why is this a big deal? I could have taken all the time that I wanted, it is not as if I had an official deadline. Well, I did. Not an official deadline, but a mental one.
With my routine, I had always completed a blog draft mid-week but this time I had nothing. Today, I sat with a free heart and a “got nothing to lose” attitude with lots of stress which came complimentary, but I still had a tiny ray of hope that I will be able to write something. (I succeeded, woot!)

I hope by now you have caught a gist of what I am trying to say here. Firstly, nothing goes right even if the smallest self-doubt kicks in, trust me.
You can have days where nothing, absolutely nothing goes right, and it’s fine.
You can have the following day be even worse than the day before, and it’s fine.
Your entire week can make your mind go crazy and you will want to leave everything and run.
My incident was something really small but made me realize something really big and deep, reminds me of a short story I read.
There was a donkey who got stuck inside a deep pit, the other animals made lots of efforts to help him get out of the pit, but sadly they couldn’t, it was getting dark and the donkey started getting scared. Everyone gave up for a moment, but the donkey knew this was not his fate. He started scratching out one side of the wall of the pit which made the soil fall which kept on piling up, the donkey used to step on the pile, and repeated the process until he reached the top, out of the pit.
Life is going to shove dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. There are going to be situations that will break you, your heart, and even your mind. There are going to be situations that will make you feel so small, so scared that will make you think twice before leaving your bed. There are moments when even when you will search for light, all you will be able to see is pitch darkness.
The only thing that you must do is to not keep on searching for the light, but be the light. It is you and only you that will drag yourself out of situations you would have never even thought you will be able to survive.
Just like heads and tails, light and darkness are two sides of the same coin.
The rainiest days are followed by rainbows and sunny days. It is easier to say when on the other side you will say, but trust me, I know. Your emotions and your complaints are valid and acceptable, what is not is you giving up. Take care of yourself because it is you and only you against the whole world. Always be kind, you do not know what someone else is going through.
In case nobody told you today, I am proud of you. So proud, you have got this.

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